How Do I know if i'm in love?
Have you ever wondered if you really love the person you are dating?
The feelings can be a bit overwhelming in a dating relationship. Butterflies, cramps, nausea…how are we supposed to interpret all these feelings? Is there a “love feeling?”
Love is more about the “doings” than the “feelings”. But if you find yourself confused about your feelings …then look to St. John Paul II’s words of advice. He said:
“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is”
The feelings can be a bit overwhelming in a dating relationship. Butterflies, cramps, nausea…how are we supposed to interpret all these feelings? Is there a “love feeling?”
Love is more about the “doings” than the “feelings”. But if you find yourself confused about your feelings …then look to St. John Paul II’s words of advice. He said:
“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is”
How do I break-up with my boyfriend/girlfriend?
How do I break-up with my boyfriend/girlfriend?
Make sure breaking-up is right option. Slaughtering a Thanksgiving turkey is similar to breaking-up. The most loving thing for the turkey (and your boyfriend/girlfriend) is to make a clean cut.
Many people stay in hopeless relationships way longer than they should because they are afraid to initiate a break-up. Your time is too precious to be wasted in a dead-end relationship. Conquer your fears and make a clean break. Here are some practical tips to guide your breaking-up process:
Make sure breaking-up is right option. Slaughtering a Thanksgiving turkey is similar to breaking-up. The most loving thing for the turkey (and your boyfriend/girlfriend) is to make a clean cut.
Many people stay in hopeless relationships way longer than they should because they are afraid to initiate a break-up. Your time is too precious to be wasted in a dead-end relationship. Conquer your fears and make a clean break. Here are some practical tips to guide your breaking-up process:
- Breaking-up can be stressful. Your words might get jumbled in the heat of the moment. So take some time to write down the exact words you would like your boyfriend/girlfriend to hear. Make sure to lovingly tell the truth.
- Remember, you are informing them of the break-up…not asking their permission. Don’t leave an opening for persuasion. If your words are not clear and final, the person may turn into a smooth-talking salesperson and then…you end up stuck in a dead-end relationship.
- Cut off all physical affections with your ex. This includes kisses, hugs, hand holding, etc. If the physical affections continue, they WILL be misinterpreted.
- “Let’s just be friends” is a common phrase uttered by ex’s. It’s possible to remain friends with your ex, but it might be wise to postpone the friendship for a period of time after the break-up.
- Enlist the help of a friend (typically of your same gender). Your friend can be your go-to person when you feel tempted to go back to the comfort of your ex. You have decided that breaking-up is the best option and your friend must be willing to remind you of that when you get overwhelmed with the break-up blues.
Should I Break up with my boyfriend?
Should I break up with my boyfriend?
I was the kicker on a top ten nationally ranked high school football team. Unfortunately, I wasn’t great at kicking field goals, so the school paid for a former NFL kicker to give me some lessons. One thing I remember from those lessons was, “Inches down here mean feet up there.”
We spent a lot of time on my footwork because an inch difference in my foot placement could mean a foot difference in which way the ball goes.
The same is true with dating and marriage. Dating is the footwork for marriage and “Inches down here mean feet up there.” Little character flaws in a boyfriend could translate into big character flaws in a husband. You should be aware of the seemingly “little things” that could lead to a disastrous relationship. Check out Crystalina Evert’s “dump him” list.
I was the kicker on a top ten nationally ranked high school football team. Unfortunately, I wasn’t great at kicking field goals, so the school paid for a former NFL kicker to give me some lessons. One thing I remember from those lessons was, “Inches down here mean feet up there.”
We spent a lot of time on my footwork because an inch difference in my foot placement could mean a foot difference in which way the ball goes.
The same is true with dating and marriage. Dating is the footwork for marriage and “Inches down here mean feet up there.” Little character flaws in a boyfriend could translate into big character flaws in a husband. You should be aware of the seemingly “little things” that could lead to a disastrous relationship. Check out Crystalina Evert’s “dump him” list.
No one wants to date me. What should I do?
No one wants to date me. What should I do?
I feel your pain. When I was in junior high, no girls liked me. In fact, I was labeled as the “weird kid.” I went to a new school and tried to reinvent myself (or at least shake the “weird kid” label.) I thought the way to do this was to find a girlfriend. After asking every girl out in the tri-state area, someone finally said “yes.” It didn’t matter who she was, I just wanted a girlfriend. The relationship obviously ended in disaster.
Dating without a purpose is a lot like driving a car while wearing a blindfold. The relationship (and the car) will eventually crash and hurt those involved. Many people rush into dating relationships because of their own insecurities. I’ve met happily married adults who’ve waited to date till after high school. I’ve also met single adults who began dating in 6th grade. The point is, IT’S OKAY IF YOU’RE NOT DATING YET. High school is a great time to develop friendships. Be careful not to miss out on life-long friendships because you were too preoccupied with the dating scene.
I feel your pain. When I was in junior high, no girls liked me. In fact, I was labeled as the “weird kid.” I went to a new school and tried to reinvent myself (or at least shake the “weird kid” label.) I thought the way to do this was to find a girlfriend. After asking every girl out in the tri-state area, someone finally said “yes.” It didn’t matter who she was, I just wanted a girlfriend. The relationship obviously ended in disaster.
Dating without a purpose is a lot like driving a car while wearing a blindfold. The relationship (and the car) will eventually crash and hurt those involved. Many people rush into dating relationships because of their own insecurities. I’ve met happily married adults who’ve waited to date till after high school. I’ve also met single adults who began dating in 6th grade. The point is, IT’S OKAY IF YOU’RE NOT DATING YET. High school is a great time to develop friendships. Be careful not to miss out on life-long friendships because you were too preoccupied with the dating scene.
How Do I know if i'm in love?
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M IN LOVE?
Have you ever wondered if you really love the person you are dating?
The feelings can be a bit overwhelming in a dating relationship. Butterflies, cramps, nausea…how are we supposed to interpret all these feelings? Is there a “love feeling?”
Love is more about the “doings” than the “feelings”. But if you find yourself confused about your feelings …then look to St. John Paul II’s words of advice. He said:
“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is”
Have you ever wondered if you really love the person you are dating?
The feelings can be a bit overwhelming in a dating relationship. Butterflies, cramps, nausea…how are we supposed to interpret all these feelings? Is there a “love feeling?”
Love is more about the “doings” than the “feelings”. But if you find yourself confused about your feelings …then look to St. John Paul II’s words of advice. He said:
“The greater the feeling of responsibility for the person the more true love there is”
How to pray the rosary:
HOW TO PRAY THE ROSARY:
Begin with the sign of the cross:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Pray the Apostles’ Creed on the crucifix of the rosary:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell; on the third day he arose from the dead; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father Almighty; thence he shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.
On the first bead, pray an Our Father for the intentions of the pope:
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.
On the next three beads, pray a Hail Mary on each for faith, hope, and love:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Then, pray the Glory Be:
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
Then, pray the Fatima prayer:
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of hell; lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy.
For the rest of the rosary beads, pray an Our Father on the large beads, followed by ten Hail Marys, a Glory Be, and the Fatima Prayer. Meditate on the different mysteries of the life of Christ during each decade.
The Joyful Mysteries (Monday and Saturday):
The Annunciation.
The Visitation.
The Birth of Christ.
The Presentation.
The Finding of the child Jesus in the Temple.
The Sorrowful Mysteries (Tuesday and Friday)
The Agony in the Garden.
The Scourging at the Pillar.
The Crowning of Thorns.
The Carrying of the Cross.
The Death of Jesus.
The Glorious Mysteries (Wednesday and Sunday)
The Resurrection of Jesus.
The Ascension of Jesus into Heaven.
The Descent of the Holy Spirit upon the apostles.
The Assumption of Mary’s body into heaven.
The Crowning of Mary in Heaven.
The Luminous Mysteries (Thursday)
The Baptism of Jesus.
The Wedding Feast at Cana when Jesus turns water into wine.
The Proclamation of the Kingdom by Jesus.
The Transfiguration.
The Last Supper.
At the end of the rosary, pray the Hail, Holy Queen:
Hail, holy queen, Mother of mercy! Our life, our sweetness, and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning, and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us; and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O holy Mother of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
End with the sign of the cross:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Begin with the sign of the cross:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Pray the Apostles’ Creed on the crucifix of the rosary:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell; on the third day he arose from the dead; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father Almighty; thence he shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.
On the first bead, pray an Our Father for the intentions of the pope:
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.
On the next three beads, pray a Hail Mary on each for faith, hope, and love:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Then, pray the Glory Be:
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
Then, pray the Fatima prayer:
O my Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of hell; lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy.
For the rest of the rosary beads, pray an Our Father on the large beads, followed by ten Hail Marys, a Glory Be, and the Fatima Prayer. Meditate on the different mysteries of the life of Christ during each decade.
The Joyful Mysteries (Monday and Saturday):
The Annunciation.
The Visitation.
The Birth of Christ.
The Presentation.
The Finding of the child Jesus in the Temple.
The Sorrowful Mysteries (Tuesday and Friday)
The Agony in the Garden.
The Scourging at the Pillar.
The Crowning of Thorns.
The Carrying of the Cross.
The Death of Jesus.
The Glorious Mysteries (Wednesday and Sunday)
The Resurrection of Jesus.
The Ascension of Jesus into Heaven.
The Descent of the Holy Spirit upon the apostles.
The Assumption of Mary’s body into heaven.
The Crowning of Mary in Heaven.
The Luminous Mysteries (Thursday)
The Baptism of Jesus.
The Wedding Feast at Cana when Jesus turns water into wine.
The Proclamation of the Kingdom by Jesus.
The Transfiguration.
The Last Supper.
At the end of the rosary, pray the Hail, Holy Queen:
Hail, holy queen, Mother of mercy! Our life, our sweetness, and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning, and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us; and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O holy Mother of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
End with the sign of the cross:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
what do i do when an impure thought pops into my head?
When Impure Thoughts Pop Up…
Even the most holy of people cannot stop random impure thoughts from popping into their heads. Rest assured that you have not sinned if an uninvited impure thought pops up out of nowhere. Here are some practical tips to deal with these inopportune thoughts:
Avoid autopilot. Many people fall into the sin of lust because they are bored. NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN THE SITUATION OF MINDLESS WEB SEARCHING! This might mean temporarily avoiding the Internet for a while.
Give the videogames a rest. Videogames may actually hinder your ability to re-wire your brain from the never-ending novelty of Internet porn. Turn the videogames off and go outside.
Rest assured that temptations will decrease as your relationship with God increases. If you find success be careful that you aren’t tempted into pride. That is the Devil trying to regain a foothold in your life. Don’t let him back in.
You’re less likely to stumble when you’re sober and humble.
“For every one who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11
Even the most holy of people cannot stop random impure thoughts from popping into their heads. Rest assured that you have not sinned if an uninvited impure thought pops up out of nowhere. Here are some practical tips to deal with these inopportune thoughts:
- Fast forward the impure thought.
- Mentally visualize a red line crossing out the image. Some have also visualized an annoying buzzer noise when the image is crossed out.
- Imagine the thought as a picture and quickly visualize the image burning up.
- Touch a holy reminder like a blessed metal or a rosary.
- Bless yourself with Holy Water.
- Do some exercises like squats or push-ups. This will divert your attention and blood flow to your muscles.
- Visualize your funeral. Although it may seem odd, visualizing death can force us to remember the weakness of the flesh.
Avoid autopilot. Many people fall into the sin of lust because they are bored. NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN THE SITUATION OF MINDLESS WEB SEARCHING! This might mean temporarily avoiding the Internet for a while.
Give the videogames a rest. Videogames may actually hinder your ability to re-wire your brain from the never-ending novelty of Internet porn. Turn the videogames off and go outside.
Rest assured that temptations will decrease as your relationship with God increases. If you find success be careful that you aren’t tempted into pride. That is the Devil trying to regain a foothold in your life. Don’t let him back in.
You’re less likely to stumble when you’re sober and humble.
“For every one who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11
How do I reWIRE my brain from porn to purity?
HOW DO I RE-WIRE MY BRAIN FROM PORN TO PURITY?
I remember helping a large outdoor camping reserve build new hiking trails. After several hours of working I realized that building new hiking trails was a slow process. When I asked the leader about what he did with the old trails he said, "We block them off and let the forest grow over them".
This is what happens to the recovering porn user's brain. Unused neural connections will re-wire elsewhere if we don't use them enough. Creating new neural pathways in our brain may be difficult, but it is the way to permanently rid yourself of a pornography habit. Permanently escaping the cycle of porn use requires more than just not looking at porn. You need to form new positive habits and literally re-wire our brain by forming new neural pathways and block the old porn pathways off.
Sure it can seem tedious to let the old porn pathways die off, but they weren't formed in a day and they won't deteriorate in a day. It takes time. In the meantime we should be focusing on building our new healthy pathways that are replacing the old unhealthy paths. Let's explore how this would look practically:
Tom's old habit was to view porn on his phone while he used the restroom. He has since built a new healthy habit of reading an inspirational book while doing his "bathroom business" and leaving his phone out of the restroom.
Bob's old habit was to use porn as soon as he got home from school. He has since built a new positive habit of sitting at the kitchen table to work on his homework when he gets home from school.
Larry's old habit was to use porn when he was stressed. He has since built a new healthy habit of working out at the local gym when he feels stressed.
Barb's old habit was to turn to pornography when she felt lonely. She has since built a new positive habit of hanging out with friends when she feels lonely.
How long will it take to form these new habits and forget the old? Well it depends on how long the old habits have been formed. Some people can get very overwhelmed even thinking about escaping their porn habit. A number of experts like Dr. Mark Laaser recommend starting with a 90 day goal. (Of course the ultimate goal is permanently quitting porn use.)
Laaser says it is “entirely about neurochemical detox.” “It’s resetting the brain in terms of sexual expectations. Generally, the 14th day is the wall. As you get past the 14th day, things will get easier.”[1] He says depending on how severe the habit has become, “your brain will go on a five-alarm fire in about seven to 14 days.” [2]
Yes that might seem like a huge goal, but you can do it! The important thing is to focus on the present. If you fall, celebrate your successful streak and then start again with a slightly larger goal. Continue this process with the goal of reaching 90 consecutive days of porn-free living.
You can help your brain re-wire itself by doing three things:
1) Get a full night sleep. (Most of the Synaptic Pruning occurs at night.)
2) Excercise regularly.
3) Cut out the videogames.
Keep your eyes fixed on the goal and not the raging storm that may be going on as your porn neural pathways are starved out. You can rest assure that with each passing day you will be gaining willpower and reviving your conscience.
Remember when Peter walked on water with Jesus in the 14th chapter of Matthew’s Gospel. Peter courageously walked on the water with Jesus, but he soon became distracted by the raging wind around him. As soon as Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he sank. The same is true with our recovery from sexual sin. Many people begin to fail because they focus their attention on their failures and not their successes.
If we take our eyes off Jesus we will sink. Don't you dare take your eyes off of Jesus! He alone can calm the storm so "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."[3]
[1] www.covenanteyes.com/science-of-porn-addiction-ebook (pg. 33)
[2] Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself, pg. 94 (Penguin Books, 2007).
[3] RSV Bible Matthew 14:27
I remember helping a large outdoor camping reserve build new hiking trails. After several hours of working I realized that building new hiking trails was a slow process. When I asked the leader about what he did with the old trails he said, "We block them off and let the forest grow over them".
This is what happens to the recovering porn user's brain. Unused neural connections will re-wire elsewhere if we don't use them enough. Creating new neural pathways in our brain may be difficult, but it is the way to permanently rid yourself of a pornography habit. Permanently escaping the cycle of porn use requires more than just not looking at porn. You need to form new positive habits and literally re-wire our brain by forming new neural pathways and block the old porn pathways off.
Sure it can seem tedious to let the old porn pathways die off, but they weren't formed in a day and they won't deteriorate in a day. It takes time. In the meantime we should be focusing on building our new healthy pathways that are replacing the old unhealthy paths. Let's explore how this would look practically:
Tom's old habit was to view porn on his phone while he used the restroom. He has since built a new healthy habit of reading an inspirational book while doing his "bathroom business" and leaving his phone out of the restroom.
Bob's old habit was to use porn as soon as he got home from school. He has since built a new positive habit of sitting at the kitchen table to work on his homework when he gets home from school.
Larry's old habit was to use porn when he was stressed. He has since built a new healthy habit of working out at the local gym when he feels stressed.
Barb's old habit was to turn to pornography when she felt lonely. She has since built a new positive habit of hanging out with friends when she feels lonely.
How long will it take to form these new habits and forget the old? Well it depends on how long the old habits have been formed. Some people can get very overwhelmed even thinking about escaping their porn habit. A number of experts like Dr. Mark Laaser recommend starting with a 90 day goal. (Of course the ultimate goal is permanently quitting porn use.)
Laaser says it is “entirely about neurochemical detox.” “It’s resetting the brain in terms of sexual expectations. Generally, the 14th day is the wall. As you get past the 14th day, things will get easier.”[1] He says depending on how severe the habit has become, “your brain will go on a five-alarm fire in about seven to 14 days.” [2]
Yes that might seem like a huge goal, but you can do it! The important thing is to focus on the present. If you fall, celebrate your successful streak and then start again with a slightly larger goal. Continue this process with the goal of reaching 90 consecutive days of porn-free living.
You can help your brain re-wire itself by doing three things:
1) Get a full night sleep. (Most of the Synaptic Pruning occurs at night.)
2) Excercise regularly.
3) Cut out the videogames.
Keep your eyes fixed on the goal and not the raging storm that may be going on as your porn neural pathways are starved out. You can rest assure that with each passing day you will be gaining willpower and reviving your conscience.
Remember when Peter walked on water with Jesus in the 14th chapter of Matthew’s Gospel. Peter courageously walked on the water with Jesus, but he soon became distracted by the raging wind around him. As soon as Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he sank. The same is true with our recovery from sexual sin. Many people begin to fail because they focus their attention on their failures and not their successes.
If we take our eyes off Jesus we will sink. Don't you dare take your eyes off of Jesus! He alone can calm the storm so "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."[3]
[1] www.covenanteyes.com/science-of-porn-addiction-ebook (pg. 33)
[2] Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself, pg. 94 (Penguin Books, 2007).
[3] RSV Bible Matthew 14:27
WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO STOP?
WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO STOP?
I wasn’t a very good decision maker during my teenage years. My parents had a creek running through their backyard called “Muddy Creek.” A better name for it would’ve been “Fecal Creek” because the water was filled with garbage and it smelled like fecal matter.
During rain storms, the once calm and smelly creek would transform into a ferocious whitewater river. The garbage-filled rapids would violently beat against the jagged rocks. Needless to say, no one would ever want to swim in this water.
Except one time.
My friends and I thought it might be fun to jump in and face the rancid rapids. So, we dove into the water. We didn’t stop to think about safety; we just went for it!
Long story short, one of my friends almost drowned. He had to go to the hospital to get treated for the parasitic infection he contracted while nearly drowning in the poop water. He also received a week of diarrhea as an added “parting gift.” (My friends and I all received this gift as well.)
Bad Decisions = Bad Results.
We’ve all made poor decisions, but porn users are setting themselves up to be bad decision makers. Porn can literally hold a conscience captive. The area of your brain responsible for willpower is called the prefrontal cortex. It’s in charge of controlling your impulses and weighing the cost and benefits of your actions. Brain scans have shown that this area of the brain is smaller in regular porn users. So, using porn may literally shrink the brain, wear away the willpower, and kill the conscience. [1]
“Conscience is a judgment of reason whereby the human person recognizes the moral quality of a concrete act that he is going to perform, is in the process of performing, or has already completed.”(CCC 1778)
You can see the weakened willpower of porn users in news headlines like “National spokesperson loses job due to porn habit!” and “Man crashes car and dies while watching porn on his phone!” It seems crazy to risk your life for an image on a screen, but you have to understand what these people were up against. They were fighting a battle with a weakened spirit and a damaged brain.
Porn can do more than damage a person’s character; it can damage their chemistry.
[1] Kühn, Simone, and Jürgen Gallinat. "Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated With Pornography Consumption." JAMA Psychiatry 71.7 (2014): 827. Web.
I wasn’t a very good decision maker during my teenage years. My parents had a creek running through their backyard called “Muddy Creek.” A better name for it would’ve been “Fecal Creek” because the water was filled with garbage and it smelled like fecal matter.
During rain storms, the once calm and smelly creek would transform into a ferocious whitewater river. The garbage-filled rapids would violently beat against the jagged rocks. Needless to say, no one would ever want to swim in this water.
Except one time.
My friends and I thought it might be fun to jump in and face the rancid rapids. So, we dove into the water. We didn’t stop to think about safety; we just went for it!
Long story short, one of my friends almost drowned. He had to go to the hospital to get treated for the parasitic infection he contracted while nearly drowning in the poop water. He also received a week of diarrhea as an added “parting gift.” (My friends and I all received this gift as well.)
Bad Decisions = Bad Results.
We’ve all made poor decisions, but porn users are setting themselves up to be bad decision makers. Porn can literally hold a conscience captive. The area of your brain responsible for willpower is called the prefrontal cortex. It’s in charge of controlling your impulses and weighing the cost and benefits of your actions. Brain scans have shown that this area of the brain is smaller in regular porn users. So, using porn may literally shrink the brain, wear away the willpower, and kill the conscience. [1]
“Conscience is a judgment of reason whereby the human person recognizes the moral quality of a concrete act that he is going to perform, is in the process of performing, or has already completed.”(CCC 1778)
You can see the weakened willpower of porn users in news headlines like “National spokesperson loses job due to porn habit!” and “Man crashes car and dies while watching porn on his phone!” It seems crazy to risk your life for an image on a screen, but you have to understand what these people were up against. They were fighting a battle with a weakened spirit and a damaged brain.
Porn can do more than damage a person’s character; it can damage their chemistry.
[1] Kühn, Simone, and Jürgen Gallinat. "Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated With Pornography Consumption." JAMA Psychiatry 71.7 (2014): 827. Web.
How to go to confession:
HOW TO GO TO CONFESSION:
Prepare by examining your conscience. You can simply reflect on how well you have lived up to the Ten Commandments:
1) I am the Lord your God; you shall have no strange gods before me.
2) You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
3) Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day.
4) Honor your father and your mother.
5) You shall not kill.
6) You shall not commit adultery.
7) You shall not steal.
8) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
9) You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
10) You shall not cove your neighbor’s goods.
When you enter the confessional, greet the priest by saying “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [amount of time] since my last confession.” You may stay behind the privacy screen or sit face-to-face with the priest. Then state your sins and how often they occur.
The priest will give you a penance and invite you to say an act of contrition. You can say your own or use this one:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because of your just punishments. But I am sorry most of all because they offend you who are all good and worthy of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
The priest will then give you absolution and send you out into the world by saying “Go in peace.”
Prepare by examining your conscience. You can simply reflect on how well you have lived up to the Ten Commandments:
1) I am the Lord your God; you shall have no strange gods before me.
2) You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
3) Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day.
4) Honor your father and your mother.
5) You shall not kill.
6) You shall not commit adultery.
7) You shall not steal.
8) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
9) You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
10) You shall not cove your neighbor’s goods.
When you enter the confessional, greet the priest by saying “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [amount of time] since my last confession.” You may stay behind the privacy screen or sit face-to-face with the priest. Then state your sins and how often they occur.
The priest will give you a penance and invite you to say an act of contrition. You can say your own or use this one:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because of your just punishments. But I am sorry most of all because they offend you who are all good and worthy of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
The priest will then give you absolution and send you out into the world by saying “Go in peace.”
Can't I just stop watching porn when i get married?
My friend suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after returning home from his military deployment. He would regularly relive the horrific war images in his head. The images had been burned into his memory.
Military veterans can suffer from war-related PTSD. Porn veterans can suffer from porn-related PTSD.
When someone views pornography, the chemical norepinephrine is released. It chemically burns the porn image into the memory, similar to what happens when soldiers see graphic war scenes. [source]
I stumbled upon pornography in the 1st grade and that image stuck with me for nearly 20 years thanks to this chemical scarring.
People often carry these scars with them into future relationships, which means, porn can ruin your marriage before you even meet your spouse!
Randy, a retired porn star, was asked about all the women he “performed with” throughout his career. He said he didn’t have sex with any of the women; he just used their bodies to masturbate.
That sounds gross, but it’s true. Porn ruins sexual intimacy.
Many porn users end up treating their spouse like a movie screen instead of a person. Porn pries away the humanity of the person’s spouse and turns them into a blank screen upon which their pornographic memories are projected. It robs you of the ability to see the value of the person, and if you downsize your spouse’s dignity, you will downsize their identity. They’ll be reduced to a warm body whose only use is pleasure.
When Bishop Fulton Sheen wrote his book, Three to Get Married, he didn’t mean husband, wife, and porn. He meant husband, wife, and God. You deserve to be married to a person, not a movie screen.
Military veterans can suffer from war-related PTSD. Porn veterans can suffer from porn-related PTSD.
When someone views pornography, the chemical norepinephrine is released. It chemically burns the porn image into the memory, similar to what happens when soldiers see graphic war scenes. [source]
I stumbled upon pornography in the 1st grade and that image stuck with me for nearly 20 years thanks to this chemical scarring.
People often carry these scars with them into future relationships, which means, porn can ruin your marriage before you even meet your spouse!
Randy, a retired porn star, was asked about all the women he “performed with” throughout his career. He said he didn’t have sex with any of the women; he just used their bodies to masturbate.
That sounds gross, but it’s true. Porn ruins sexual intimacy.
Many porn users end up treating their spouse like a movie screen instead of a person. Porn pries away the humanity of the person’s spouse and turns them into a blank screen upon which their pornographic memories are projected. It robs you of the ability to see the value of the person, and if you downsize your spouse’s dignity, you will downsize their identity. They’ll be reduced to a warm body whose only use is pleasure.
When Bishop Fulton Sheen wrote his book, Three to Get Married, he didn’t mean husband, wife, and porn. He meant husband, wife, and God. You deserve to be married to a person, not a movie screen.
Isn't porn normal?
ISN'T PORN NORMAL?
Pornographers desperately try to take the punch out of porn by labeling it as “normal behavior.”
One porn site launched a marketing campaign with the slogan, “All You Need Is Hand,” which is a spin off the old Beetles song, “All You Need Is Love.” They posted billboards in New York City’s Times Square and even hired a choir to sing the porn slogan!
Some porn companies try to portray themselves as “honorable” businesses. One site attempted to justify porn by giving money to breast cancer, testicular cancer, and environmental charities in exchange for video clicks on their site.
The same site held a $25,000.00 scholarship competition with the description:
“We work hard to help make millions of people feel happy every single day. In turn, we would like to help support the recipient of the [porn company] Scholarship to realize their goal of doing the same!”
The stigma continues to fade as porn is pumped into our homes by the mainstream media.
St. John Paul the Great said, “Young people are threatened... by the evil use of advertising techniques that stimulate the natural inclination to avoid hard work by promising the immediate satisfaction of every desire.” [1]
Lust is easy. Love is not.
Despite the culture’s attempts to normalize pornography, we have to remember the truth: Sex is normal, but watching actors have sex on camera is not.
[1] Clark, Eric. The Want Makers: Inside the World of Advertising. New York, NY, U.S.A.: Penguin, 1990. Print.
Pornographers desperately try to take the punch out of porn by labeling it as “normal behavior.”
One porn site launched a marketing campaign with the slogan, “All You Need Is Hand,” which is a spin off the old Beetles song, “All You Need Is Love.” They posted billboards in New York City’s Times Square and even hired a choir to sing the porn slogan!
Some porn companies try to portray themselves as “honorable” businesses. One site attempted to justify porn by giving money to breast cancer, testicular cancer, and environmental charities in exchange for video clicks on their site.
The same site held a $25,000.00 scholarship competition with the description:
“We work hard to help make millions of people feel happy every single day. In turn, we would like to help support the recipient of the [porn company] Scholarship to realize their goal of doing the same!”
The stigma continues to fade as porn is pumped into our homes by the mainstream media.
St. John Paul the Great said, “Young people are threatened... by the evil use of advertising techniques that stimulate the natural inclination to avoid hard work by promising the immediate satisfaction of every desire.” [1]
Lust is easy. Love is not.
Despite the culture’s attempts to normalize pornography, we have to remember the truth: Sex is normal, but watching actors have sex on camera is not.
[1] Clark, Eric. The Want Makers: Inside the World of Advertising. New York, NY, U.S.A.: Penguin, 1990. Print.
What about all this "sexual tension" I have?
WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS "SEXUAL TENSION" I HAVE?
When someone views pornography, (or even dwells on pornographic thoughts), their body releases chemicals that ramp up their sexual anticipation. It’s kind of like throwing lighter fluid on a fire.
So, if you’re suffering from sexual tension; ask yourself if you are the source of the tension. We can eventually tune out the tension by tuning out pornography and impure thoughts.
When someone views pornography, (or even dwells on pornographic thoughts), their body releases chemicals that ramp up their sexual anticipation. It’s kind of like throwing lighter fluid on a fire.
So, if you’re suffering from sexual tension; ask yourself if you are the source of the tension. We can eventually tune out the tension by tuning out pornography and impure thoughts.
HOW COULD LOOKING AT SOMETHING EFFECT MY BRAIN?
HOW COULD LOOKING AT SOMETHING EFFECT MY BRAIN?
Look at the following image for 30 seconds. After 30 seconds look at the palm of your hand. Ready Go!
Look at the following image for 30 seconds. After 30 seconds look at the palm of your hand. Ready Go!
Now look at your hand! Does the skin on your hand appear to be moving? It appears to be moving because of something called the motion aftereffect. Your brain is overcompensating from staring at the moving image. Looking at that image for 30 seconds affected and elicited a response from your brain cells.
Porn can cause its own type of "aftereffects".
When someone views pornography, the chemical norepinephrine is released. It acts to chemically burn the porn image into the memory. This is similar to what happens when soldiers see graphic war scenes. I stumbled upon pornography in the 1st grade; and with the help of norepinephrine, that image has stuck with me for over 20 years.
People often carry these scars with them into future relationships. So porn can ruin a marriage before the person even meets their spouse.
Porn can cause its own type of "aftereffects".
When someone views pornography, the chemical norepinephrine is released. It acts to chemically burn the porn image into the memory. This is similar to what happens when soldiers see graphic war scenes. I stumbled upon pornography in the 1st grade; and with the help of norepinephrine, that image has stuck with me for over 20 years.
People often carry these scars with them into future relationships. So porn can ruin a marriage before the person even meets their spouse.
how could porn be considered a drug?
Porn is a drug.
I describe it as cocaine snorted through the eyeballs. It works the same way other drugs do. It enters the body and tricks it into releasing chemicals. Neural scientist, Dr. William M. Struthers described how porn enters the brain:
“It comes in through the retina, goes through the thalamus, when projects up to the visual cortex, goes through the association cortex and the anterior cingulate, which then projects down to the insular cortex, the mirror neuron system, and the basal ganglia, thalamus and the hypothalamus. This is the sexual arousal center, that interstitial nucleus of the anterior hypothalamus sends projections down to the ventral tegmental area, which then releases dopamine.”
With the help of porn, chemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin go on a joyride through the neural pathways of the brain. Are these chemicals natural? Of course, but porn unnaturally releases them.
When its chemicals are abused, the brain gets confused.
I describe it as cocaine snorted through the eyeballs. It works the same way other drugs do. It enters the body and tricks it into releasing chemicals. Neural scientist, Dr. William M. Struthers described how porn enters the brain:
“It comes in through the retina, goes through the thalamus, when projects up to the visual cortex, goes through the association cortex and the anterior cingulate, which then projects down to the insular cortex, the mirror neuron system, and the basal ganglia, thalamus and the hypothalamus. This is the sexual arousal center, that interstitial nucleus of the anterior hypothalamus sends projections down to the ventral tegmental area, which then releases dopamine.”
With the help of porn, chemicals like dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin go on a joyride through the neural pathways of the brain. Are these chemicals natural? Of course, but porn unnaturally releases them.
When its chemicals are abused, the brain gets confused.
Who invented porn?
WHO INVENTED PORN?
“Pornography” comes from the Greek word pornographos, which means “writing about prostitutes.”
Porn has been around for a long time. A really long time. People have even found pornographic paintings from ancient civilizations; so, porn is nothing new. What is new? Our technology.
Porn has come a long way since the painted pottery of ancient Greece. It weaseled its way into the mainstream and exploded with the dawn of the Internet. There’s now hardcore HD videos streaming online 24/7.
Here’s how the Catholic Catechism defines pornography:
"Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties." (CCC 2354)
Porn can take the form of videos, images, writings, drawings, audio recordings, live performances, video games, etc...
“Pornography” comes from the Greek word pornographos, which means “writing about prostitutes.”
Porn has been around for a long time. A really long time. People have even found pornographic paintings from ancient civilizations; so, porn is nothing new. What is new? Our technology.
Porn has come a long way since the painted pottery of ancient Greece. It weaseled its way into the mainstream and exploded with the dawn of the Internet. There’s now hardcore HD videos streaming online 24/7.
Here’s how the Catholic Catechism defines pornography:
"Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties." (CCC 2354)
Porn can take the form of videos, images, writings, drawings, audio recordings, live performances, video games, etc...